The importance of not being ready

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My second session, I´m bursting with both excitement and apprehension. Working from home means that I´m constantly distracted, and if I´m not actually distracted, then I find things to distract myself with – hanging up the washing, taking out the rubbish – as if everything needs to be perfect before I can start!? Eventually, I settle in, set up my table, pull out my art materials and look at the brief in front of me. For a short moment, I panic, remembering that I hadn’t quite finished my homework… what if it´s important? What if it isn´t? Nobody´s there to ask for it, and nobody will reprimand me for not having it ready… only my inner critic. I relax. I close my eyes, breathe in deeply and breathe out, observing my breath, immediately I start to feel calmer. I let go. After 10 minutes of meditation, I open my eyes and light a candle. This is a wonderful ritual and I´m wondering if I should integrate it into my daily routine before starting work in the morning – just taking a small moment to connect, set an intention and light a candle, to help remind myself to stay in the now.

During the warm-up exercise, we are requested to re-read our poem from last week, select a phrase or word and then select two images from magazines and collage them until they are “one”. Following the meditation, I intuitively found my phrase “Guided by the light”, and within what seemed like seconds, I found two fitting images. Trying not to judge, just feel – but it´s so difficult not to judge, my mind is already judging before I can even say S T O P. “These are perfect, cool, interesting…” The images inspire me and I quickly start working them. I´m surprised at how dark my colours are – I thought I was trying to express light. Instead, I find myself working with a deep sea green, emerald, yellow, white… I work with pastels and paint, but mostly pastels to bring the images together. I´m fascinated by that which emerges on the canvas in front of me. It appears mysterious, ethereal. I work some more, even though my time is up for this part, but that´s okay, it simply means I´ll have a bit less time for the next part.

The theme of light is very important to me. Light & water. It´s a recurring theme in many of my paintings.

But, light needs dark to shine bright. Does it? What about white or golden light? How strong does the contrast need to be? How deep do I need to dive? I am using a dark, deep, sea green, which reminds me of the ocean, a symbol for the soul. I find the deep green surprisingly calming, and soothing, it gives me a feeling of safety. Deep blue indigo hues start to mingle with the sea green. A sense of depth, “…deep within the center of my being, is an endless source of healing & loving energy…” The lights shine brightly. Like the stars in the night sky. I´m reminded of the fact that we are all stars.

The session left me inspired & curious to discover more… about myself and this creative process. Namasté.

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